Doeskin Omake Collection
by chicaalterego
Summary: Companion to Doeskin. This collection mainly consists of random/crack-ish, AU oneshots that have been inspired by some event of Doeskin cannon. You can read it without reading the main fic, but it is not recommended.
1. Dogskin

**Disclaimer:** Don't own. Dont't care. Writing this for free.

 **AN: THIS FIC IS A COMPANION TO DOESKIN**. ALL OMAKE'S FROM THERE SHALL-BE/WERE MOVED HERE. Other than what you already read, I don't make promises on anything, new updates are **not** garanteed. I will post what I have, probably do a couple of requests, and keep the fic as ongoing until I finish with doeskin. Once that one is over, even if this one didn't get any updates, it will be labeled "complete"... which is not to say I might not put a random oneshot if the right mood strikes after this one is "completed".

The first OMAKE in this collection is going to be a request I had gathering dust in my computer since it didn't really fit at the end of any particular Doeskin chapter. The next 3, however, will be old material.

Having said that, enjoy! I'll see you all in the bottom note.

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Omake: Dogskin (Requested by: suntan140)

Although Harry had not been thrilled about being unable to get eternal rest, he knew there were a lot of thing he could do in a second life with the knowledge he amassed on his first... Merlin, he would even get to play Quidditch again after centuries of been too old to play!

Or so it would have been the case, had Harry been reborn a wizard.

The famous three Peverell brothers once had been "rewarded" by Death with three cursed gifts. One died a horrifically bloody dead, the other killed himself because he could not bear to continue living.

After Harry opened felt his not-quite-human body fall down to the ground with a wet plop, coming right out of a dog's... well... out of a dog. He was pretty damn sure the poor bloke who wished for the invisibility cloak got some kind of horrid punishment in the afterlife because of how long he had evaded Death.

"Congratulations," Harry heard a voice speaking in Japanese -a language he had more or less learnt before dying- from somewhere to his left, as a rough tongue licked the over-sensitive, furry skin of his face. "It's a beautiful girl!"

The noise coming out of the little Harry-puppy was more a whine than the cry of fury that echoed in his heart.

Merlin's trice-dammed bollocks! Death was a monumental _prat._

"Death can't harm his master" his bloody arse.

...

Life as a puppy was not as happy as most might think. Female dogs constantly licked their babies' genitalia to stimulate it, allowing puppies to learn how to pee and poop. Female dogs also ate the waste to keep the place clean so their little ones would be safe. Which was awkward for Harry, or "Rai-chan" as she was called in this life.

The fact that his dog-mommy licked her face with the same tongue she used to eat her feces and the feces of her other puppy, her "brother" Akamaru, made Harry-puppy feel a healthy amount of horror about the uncleanliness of the whole thing.

Thankfully, there is a point in every dog's life when mommy decide puppies are ready to be on their own. The humiliation on that front was blissfully over after a few weeks.

The only good thing that Harry was glad about was that he/she was a pet. After all, having the option of worried owners feed him with bottles was a lot better than brestfeading from a female dog upon noticing the way her brother energetically pushed her away from the shared source of food... Not that the milk they could feed him was as nutritious as his/her mother's milk, so Rai was smaller and weaker than his/her twin.

Merlin, being reborn a female was so confusing. It was messing with her pronouns a bit too much. Maybe she should call himself a he in his head? No. It would be better to resign himself... er HERself to his(no, HER) fate. So... SHE was confused, and would do HER best, or whatever.

Harry-puppy would soon learn that he-SHE was not a regular dog, but a nin-dog. His owners were not just face-paint fanatics, but face-paint fanatic ninjas!... or were those birthmarks? Anyway, that was not important. The important bit there is the NINJA part of it. And, from what he had heard so far, those ninja wanted to breed her.

If Harry was sure of one thing, it was that he would never have puppies to lick down there so they could poop. After all if he (er...she) did, Harry, the boy-who-became-a-she-dog, would, literally, upon becoming a mother, spend weeks eating crap.

No matter how much Harry had grown fond of dogs because of Sirius, that was a path he was not willing to walk. And, since this ninja breed their dogs young, it was Harry's mission to get out before she became fertile.

Besides, Harry knew of the phrase "Dog in heat" and didn't like one bit the idea of being at the end of it.

And thus Harry started planning and plotting. She would gain her freedom!

...

It was a surprise to nobody that Kiba would pick Akamaru out of the two puppies that he could chose. The two of them had clicked... not to mention the female puppy was just plain weird. It didn't like to breastfeed (which was an instinct for all mammals); it didn't like to be petted, or cuddled, and, it gave the impression of beeing too detached, too sulking and too attentive, at the same time.

No Inazuka in their right mind would have chosen that one over the sweet little pup that was Akamaru.

Not that it mattered. Females were always good to breeding more puppies for the ever-growing Inazuka clan wich, despite their efforts, had a lot of their nin-dogs die in combat. It was a sad thing, but it was inevitable. Their dogs were as much as ninja as they were, and, since they tended to be weaker than the humans they battled along with, those had a higher mortality rater. Thus there was a need to have females ready to keep 'em coming.

Hopefully the weirdness of that one won't be hereditary.

...

It wasn't until after a reincarnated Harry Potter turned 4 moths that he managed to get out of the Inuzuka complex. Many would say it shouldn't have take her so long, but since most of the walls were too tall to climb, her mom-dog was keeping an eye on her most of the time.

If it wasn't because "her mother" had to sleep at some point, Harry would never had gotten away.

Sadly, having a clan where all members (human and dogs alike) were good at tracking others, meant Harry's first taste of the outside world was short lived... fortunately she managed to meet a potential ally. An unlikely one. Because, as Harry's eyes met that of Tora the cat, she knew, just knew, that none of them were willing to stay with their owners.

And, somehow, Tora seemed to catch on Harry's need to escape too. Never-mind they were cat and dog. The two animals were kindred spirits, and both were smart enough to know it.

The Inuzuka, and every genin in Konoha, would rue the day the two menaces became runaway allies.

 _The End._

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 **AN:** I know it started a lot like Doeskin, that was the reason I decided to put this one as a first chapter. The idea of this omake is up for the grabs if anyone feels inspired enough. In fact, if someone does, let me know so I can attach a note here so other readers can know about it.

Having said that, don't forget to REVIEW!


	2. Reverse Animagus

_**Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't care. Writing this for free.**_

 _ **AN:** Given that I took so long with getting this Omake back to you, I decided to put both parts of it at the same time._

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 _OMAKE: The reverse Animagus._

Mendo, formerly known as Harry Potter, and recently nick-named "Mendo" was walking in the forest. Sure, the doe much preferred to spend her time in the house, but he had eaten too much and had decided to walk around the forest to help digestion.

As she aimlessly walked under the canopy of trees, Mendo's human mind (A.K.A. Harry) was thinking about the person he thought the most about lately: Nara Yoshino.

He pitied the woman maybe as much as he admired him and adored her. When he was a husband, he helped with the chores and with raising the children. Harry Potter was the one who cooked, did the dishes, and kept everything tidy half of the time -although, honestly, using magic meant he barely put in any effort.

One way or another, Ginny was envied by other housewives –Hermione included—by having someone to share the burden of household work. Their husbands didn't even show any appreciation for it, since they took it from granted.

Even his best mate, Ron, couldn't understand why Hermione exploded on his face about him being too lazy to wave a wand and help out every now and then…

Yoshino had it worst, having to do things on hand, by herself, no magic or house-elf to help her out.

Again, Harry pitied Yoshino.

For the first time ever, Harry's heart synchronized with all the unappreciated housewives in the world. The ex-wizard could feel a shard of his remaining masculinity shrivel up and die the very next moment.

Goddammit. He might be an empathetic man, but he was not girly. Harry Potter was a _hero_ , a **Man of Action**. What he was not was a housewife, or a female, much less a doe…

And yet, he WAS a doe. Merlin curse Death.

Harry knew it was the damn pheromones in his system that were turning the understanding he had gained as a semi-slave to the Dursleys into righteous female fury at all husbands in the world.

That needed to stop.

Harry needed to feel masculine. He needed to be do something stupid and testosterone-driven so his mind could be at ease again... or maybe he could just blow something up.

Yeah, the idea of blowing up something sounded bloody sweet at the moment.

Problem is, none of the magic of massive destruction he knew were wordless (even if he could do most wandlessly).

In his frustration, Harry came up with an idea so crazy it was brilliant.

 _'Of course, I can still use_ _that_ _magic!'_ He mentally wanted to congratulate himself at the remembrance, and slap himself from not thinking it before. Sure, it was a given he couldn't use most magic in his current state, but knew of one type of wand-less, wordless magic he could try to regain a human form: the Animagus transformation.

Usually, said magic was used by a wizard trying to become their inner animal. However, Harry knew he was still a wizard (just wrapped into a more furry package than all others) and he should, in his position as a wizard (witch, actually, since does are all female), he could turn himself into his inner animal, that just so happens to be human.

And humans were also animals, all right? He remembered some teacher or another in Muggle School drowning on the fact.

Mendo's looked up to the sky, and inner Harry cheered. There was still time tonight for the ritual. She-no HE needed to find some quiet spot away from human eyes to do it. Once he was human again, he could use his wonderful vocal chords to enchant some stick to act as a broom, fly away a bit and cast a few 'Bombarda Maxima's in a deserted place.

Those rocks wouldn't know what hit them.

Once Harry got the frustration out of his system, he would simply teleport back (because he already knew the Nara forest well enough not to half-appear inside a tree or something) and reverse into a happy pet that had to do little more than eat and sleep.

Soon enough, Harry found a familiar clearing near the river. The place was quiet and the air was peaceful. It was perfect.

Finding his inner "animal" didn't take him a minute, for he knew what he was looking for. Now, Harry had never tried to become an Animagus because, despite it being something he could have had in common with his deceased father and godfather, he had no time to do so while sentimentalism was at its peak.

When things finally calmed down for Harry Potter 'Wizardly Britain's Savior, and by the time he did finally had some time to pursue the idea, he had discovered his inner animal was, in fact, a deer.

The worshiped hero just didn't see the point of becoming a deer Animagus. It wasn't like he would be able to move faster than with a broom, or would gain any advantage while being stuck on a forest full of predators.

The only thing Harry saw as a good thing, was that he could feed from pretty much any plant if he became one… which became a moot point since he could Transmutate any of those plants into a hamburger.

In short: being an Animagus deer was useless, and he was no longer the tragic, lost boy looking for any connection to his father/godfarther. So he never did the ritual.

Harry knew the ritual by heart, though, since many of his descendants found themselves having more useful animal counterparts and they decided to actually become Animagus… Anyway, that is enough of inner rambling. Harry had already done the drawings and other such important stuff, and was currently glowing faintly, as did every first-timer before transforming.

The soft golden glow wrapped itself around Mendo for a couple of seconds, before she went through the very uncomfortable experience of having all body parts change and re-arrange. Fortunately, centuries worth of teleporting gave Harry the immunity necessary to recover fast from the stomach-churching magic.

Even more fortunate was the fact that Harry had managed the complicated bit of magic on his first try… which was **not** very fortunate for Harry, was looking to his hands and finding they were more small and chubby that he would have liked.

The hands were not the only thing that seemed to be _a bit_ too small. The arms that were connected to those hands, the torso, the legs… for a moment, he thought the thing between his legs had been too small to see, but then realized that there was a slit in the middle that was ever-so typical of females.

Belatedly, Harry remembered the Animagus transformation had nothing to do with sex changing.

Bloody fantastic.

Now that Harry was in a new female body, he did the logical-cliche thing: he looked his-HERself into the river. A petite, maybe-five-years-old looked back at him. The ribs in her tiny stomach were protruding the same way they did in the doe's body, and the black hair he was so used to having was now the same brown of her fur.

The only reason Harry never doubted it was her reflection was because he could see the ever-present thunder scar mockingly placed in the same spot it had been in his first life… He was also sporting the same green ribbon Yoshino had placed on his doe-persona, and the eyes of his first mother looked at him as they always did when he was upon a mirror.

All in all, her new human body was easy enough to recognize… Maybe too easy, she figured, as she finally noticed the startled Nara Shikamaru looking at him from a shrub, giving Harry the most horrid sense of Deja-Vu.

"Bollocks," was the first word ever to be pronounce by Harry (Harriet?) in this lifetime. Not a good omen, that's for sure.

Time seemed to stretch forever as wide green eyes met narrowing black.

Despite the shock of being found –or maybe because—Harry didn't make the same mistake of ignoring his-her surroundings. Obviously-human footsteps could be heard approaching fast.

Harry called forth his magic in a hurry, and turned back into a doe a split second before Nara Shikaku could lie eyes on him.

"Shikamaru, a new mission—" Shikaku stopped mid-sentence as the tension in the air practically chocked him.

Meanwhile, Shikamaru and Mendo were into an intense staring contest. It was anyone's guess if the lazy ninja even knew his father was there.

"What mission," Shikamaru finally asked, breaking the most awkward 30 seconds in Shikaku's life.

Not wanting to even know what had transpired on that clearing —he just knew it had been troublesome— Shikaku told his son his presence was needed for a new mission, and dragged him away.

Harry let out a sigh of relief once he was alone all over again. Of course, even in his being aware of his surroundings he was unable to feel a Jounin trying to hide himself in the shadows. Unlike the Nara, that was just making his way towards his son, not minding the branches that broke under his sandals or the leaves he was ruffling, the ROOT agent on the shadows went unnoticed.

Once the Nara duo was out of ROOT agent did the one thing any fanatic creep working for Danzō would do in such situation: he knocked out the defenseless animal and stole it from where it was.

Whether the ninja's boss/cult leader decided to put the doe back where he got it, to study its behavior; or cut it up like a turkey, so they could see what it was that made it tick, would be up to the eye-patched bastard.

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 ** _Part 2_**

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Danzō looked blankly to his unimportant agent, then to the comatose doe on the floor. The report the old war-hawk had been remarkably stupid and unreliable: surely nobody could ever believe that a doe could transform into a human. It was plan ridiculous.

Of course, there was always the chance that his subordinated had seen a person henge into a doe to spy into the family of strategist of Konoha; but such a disguise would have been vanished, not to mention it would have failed to fool Danzō's multiple sharingan eyes.

Which meant someone had to be messing with his root agents. Who? Danzō knew not, but he was unwilling to just wait and see… Now, on what to do in the meantime; that was another issue altogether: there was no doubt the doe couldn't be simply returned, for the fact someone bothered to trick his agent to bring it into the base could be a trap of sorts… which is not to say Danzō could simply keep the doe there, for it would make it easy for someone with, let's say, special-powered eyes to find it. It would also be easy for a ninja with an acute sense of smell (or tracker dogs) to find the doe, wether they moved it or not.

And yet, it was highly unlikely that anyone would profit from following the doe to the T&I department, since it was a well known practice among ninja to keep suspicious objects an animals far away from anything too important, so that mean the idea was very elaborated, but still didn't pose a threat as far as he saw it.

To put it simply, the unusualness of the move (and not the move itself) was what was putting Danzō on alert.

Maybe he should see into the memories of the doe. Stupid as the animal must be, he had discovered pieces of information could be retrieved from lesser beings' memories, and a face it might have looked at would be a nice clue for where to start.

Not wasting another second, Danzō made a hand sign, which resulted in two of his somewhat invisible agents in the shadows to take the ninja who brought the doe into confinement for his stupidity. Then, once he got that out of the way, he removed his eye-patch, revealing the eye he had stolen from Uchiha Shisui. Right after the sharingan was on display, Danzō shook the doe awake…

It proved to be a mistake.

Despite the fact that the baby doe didn't seem to have much of a physical strength (it was actually pretty weak), the mind that he peeked into was not that of a small animal.

Usually, this would have signified that Danzō would have walked away with a crazy amount of new knowledge and a lab rat-doe. However, it is a known fact that a sea cannot be squeezed into a glass of water. The amount of knowledge that poured into Danzō's mind was one of a man hundreds of years old. Not to mention, the mind of a wizard was sharper that than of mere mortals, making the damage to Danzō's mind all the bigger.

The old war-hawk was left a drooling vegetable within seconds, since all his eyes (those implanted in his arm included) tried to suck the doe's knowledge at the same time.

By the time Harry blinked away the haziness of waking up, and the irked and disorientated feeling that came with a mental invasion, Danzō was no longer capable of doing more than drooling and looking ugly.

Harry had no doubt that the eye-patched old man on the floor was the responsible one, for it was not the first time Harry had seen similar cases when his second Dark Lord (a young Malfoy of all things) had tried to blast his way into the mental barrier Harry had on his mind.

It was still bloody annoying that this arse of a ninja had not only doenapped him, but tried to dig into his brain without provocation.

Half out of curiosity, half out of spite, Harry-doe promptly returned the favor of the mind reading he had received. Of course, inner-Harry took a plunge into Danzō's mind with the predictably use of _Legilimency_.

Unlike the strain the man's brain had gone through, the doe felt no more than an overwhelming headache as it leeched the knowledge of the epitome of Konoha's darkness.

Harry-doe felt disgusted by what she saw. She had learnt more than she was trying to learn -which was just a "what, in the name of Merlin's wrinkly nut sack am I doing here?" type of search, but turned out into a whole extraction of the memories of Danzō given how shattered the mental defenses of the man were left after trying to plung into Harry's memories.

Murder, torture, deceit, betrayal, were just some of the stomach-revolting things the doe saw into Danzō's memories.

It was clear this Danzō guy was sadistic for the purpose of being sadistic. And those things she learnt about the man's sex live… *urg* Harry would be needing industrial amounts of brain bleach to get rid of those.

In an unusual moment of superb luck, Harry found himself alone in the room, since Danzō had made the mistake of dismissing all his ever-present body-wards to take Harry's kidnaper to get some punishment for bringing in a doe: which was clearly neither useful, nor a threat to anyone. Harry snorted. It was actually quite humorous that the guy who had this thoughts was now on the floor dead by the threat he so easily dismissed.

Harry-doe's eyes widened in horror: the newly absorbed memories of this guy seemingly had twisted Harry's sense of humor into a morbid snape-worthy one.

Inner-Harry hoped it was only a temporary side-effect from digging too much into the guys mind.

On the bright side, though, Harry-doe, had learnt a great amount of ninja magic (they called it Chakra) and now knew a lot of useful (yet disgusting) shite.

Knowing by stolen experience that Danzo's ROOT agents must be about to get back, Harry "Reverse-Animagused" himself into the little girl he saw reflected in the river in his first attempts, before "henge-ing" himself into eye-patch ninja. Then, to prevent the agents from seeing two Danzōs in the room, he threw some black flames (that mimicked the ones Danzō could produce with his magic ninja eyes) onto the horrible human being in the floor, not feeling any remorse as even the bones of the man became ashes in the wind.

"It was a trap," Harry-Danzō said in a tone worthy of a fanatic sociopath as soon as his men were within hearing distance. "Clean here, then..." And so, Harry gave out instructions after instructions, then spoke out some veiled references to nothing that sounded oddly 'profound. Heck, even the doe didn't know what she was spouting about, but Danzō's brainwashed minions seemed to drink the talk about 'the ROOT that support the ninja form the shadows' like it were being delivered by some Merlin-Dumbledore hybrid.

Harry-doe also fed them the lie that she would be going into a trip to get a new power that would stablish Fire Country's superiority once and for all. Heh, the suckers.

It was funny in a way to have others believe him like he held all truth; not to mention The-Boy-Who-Became-a-Doe felt unexpectedly cheerful at the notion of having minions…

Maybe settling on being a pet was not such a sweet deal… certainly not when she could use both her magic and this newfound power to shape the destiny of the world.

Yes, she could see it now. Harry-doe would strengthen her new human body using all the resources and knowledge of Danzō. No doubt she could then fulfill her ultimate goal of showing the superiority of the Fire Country to the world!

No! Harry shook the thought away. She knew this was just a thought she would not act on, and that came to be only because of the recent memory-absortion. There was no doubt in the doe's mind that she didn't care in the slightest about the fate of this primitive world, albeit she reckoned that Hitler's approach would do wonders in Harry's plan of reigning supreme…

Banging her (now eye-patched) face into one of the walls, Harry-doe tried to get the Danzōness out of her.

There were a lot of more productive things she could be doing right now, and she didn't quite understand why anyone would be interested in proving the supremacy of a nation when said person could be working for showing his/her own superiority.

Now that she was focusing clearly on the bigger picture, she could see it. Mendo would walk away from this place as the sun rose, then hid in the Nara complex for as long as it took her to become invincible! It was quite a pity that Shikamaru, the boy who was so clearly suspicious of her, would be needed to be eliminated: it was very likely Yoshino would cry, and Mendo didn't like the woman crying. Still, what must be done must be done. No obstacles will be sparred on the way of Mendo's world domination.

Teleporting to the forest was easy, turning back to her doe-self was easy too.

There was no doubt that Danzō's disappearance would soon become news (not that her stolen minions would believe it), which would cause some chaos, which should give her ample opportunity for the doe to dispose of the young Nara without arousing suspicions… maybe she should dispose of the kid's father too. The lazy bastard was too smart to leave alone, and he might follow the suspicion of his son, and attack her before Mendo became the doe-overlord she was destined to become.

And Yoshino... well, all rulers were entitled to have a queen. Never mind that Harry's true form was female as well. Now that she had chakra and magic (not to mention the knowledge of an insane amount of human experimentation) the sex change should be doable quite soon.

And so, a heavily corrupted Harry-doe made her way to the Nara Forest to meet with his future mistress and the soon to be deceased Nara males

 _ **End of the OMAKE**_

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 **AN:** Sorry for the delay to put on the Omakes I took down from the main fic. I honestly have no excuse for that. I will post Voldoemort back shortly.


	3. Voldoemort

**_Disclaimer:_** _Don't own. Don't care. Writing this for free._

 ** _AN:_** _So here comes Voldoemort. No new material at all, just put up as it was before. Next Omake shall take a while, I cannot even remember if I have any old material around somewhere so the next one will probably be new content. Enjoy (or skip it, whatever floats your boat)._

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 ** _OMAKE: Voldoemort._**

It was over. Voldemort couldn't help but laugh evilly as the prophecy had been fulfilled and he was victorious. None had been able to live while the other lived, and one had indeed died at the hand of the other, his hand and Potter's limp body lay at his feet with the paleness only ever found in corpses, vampires, or Neville Longbottom when facing Severus Snape.

And so Voldemort laughed and laughed, and continued to laugh until everyone in the room was certain that he had gone bonkers. But that was OK, most students had taken the chance to flee the castle any way they could, taking advantage of the fact that the Death Eaters, disposable minions as they were, had been forced to follow the unwritten rule of laughing alongside their leader. And Tom could certainly laugh a lot.

And even if the man was capable of making the world tremble in fear by the mere glimpse of the pointy teeth that poked out of his mouth as he laughed, the most dreaded thing in whole Great Britain was what would come when he was done laughing.

 ** _Time-skip_**

Lord Voldemort sat in a throne built from the bones of his enemies. The skulls of Muggles and Muggleborn children that hadn't been used in dark rituals had been used to decorate the armrest. To match his throne of bones, he had a bone-made stool made from the bones of none other that his former nemesis Harry Potter. It had been the perfect place to put the remains of The-Boy-who-Dared-to-Live: beneath his feet.

Life was good... or at least it was if you were Voldemort. The rest of the world was plain miserable, not that the new king of the world cared. After the Dark Lord had "purified" Great Britain from those without magic, those who were born of that scum and what was left of the resistance, he went to take care of the rest of the world. In his centuries as ruler of the world, Voldemort had forced every important country to submit or stop existing, he had murdered puppies and baby seals, tortured followers and enemies without distinction, peed in Dumbledore's grave, turned Hogwarts into his evil-overlord-castle, and spent every moment terrorizing the world at large while making sure to commit every single sin in the book. It was an era of depravity like nothing the world had ever seen, and the agony carried over in what felt like forever.

It wasn't actually forever though, the man did die. After all, his supply of unicorn blood was bound to run out after the corruption of the world had poisoned the sacred beings until they were no more.

Lord Voldemort died for the second and last time (not counting his Horcruxes) at the very advanced age of 1023. It was a day that would have been worthy of spilling tears of happiness if not for the fact that, if Tom Marvolo Riddle died, he would be taking as many people as he could with him. Having had a millennium to plan, the second he died was the very same the world perished.

...

Everything was white.

The floor was white.

The ceiling was white.

The walls were white.

He was... not white. Lord Voldemort, oldest person ever, was looking his normal colored self. Meaning, he looked more wrinkled that a balled sheet of paper and could be mistaken by the lovechild some an ugly snake and a taller version of Senator Palpatine.

Being dead was not like he expected. It certainly hadn't crossed his mind that the realm of death would be identical to that small, ratty room in the orphanage where Albus Dumbledore had told him he was a wizard.

Death had not been what he expected either.

Especially since Death had turned out to be an entity. A very pissed off entity.

It was without any fanfare and barely a word, that Lord Voldemort was thrown into the rebirth circle.

Unknown to Voldemort, he had now earned himself a punishment which the being that was in charge of putting an end of all existence had been once planning to use on the fool that ever became 'Master of Death'.

Had Voldemort known what fate he would be facing after he died, he would have let Harry Potter win the battle of Hogwarts... well, not really. It might have crossed his mind though.

Time lost meaning as fetus-Voldoemort floated in a bloody womb. He had no idea what was happening and passed every second he had kicking and trying to skin the inside of the doe he hadn't been birthed out of yet. Needless to say that Voldoemort was the worst baby any doe could ever have, even before birth.

Historians one day would look back to the day the words "Congratulations, it's a beautiful doe," were spoken by one Nara Shikaku, and consider it the day the ninja world was doomed...

The-Dark-Lord-that-became-a-doe wasn't happy. Why wasn't the Dark Lord happy? Because he became a doe. Duh.

The thing is, Voldoemort had been forced to pretend he was a docile being until he was able to feed from grass. The humiliation of breast-feeding from a doe wasn't as big as the fact that he was depending on an animal for his survival. There was that, and that he looked all cute and fuzzy. Voldoemort didn't even have his creepy red eyes to make himself more frightening than the other does. In fact, his eyes had the same brown shade they used to have before his rebirth ritual in the graveyard, which weren't too different from the eyes of your regular deer.

To make things more annoying, Voldoemort could feel some of his magic singing in his veins, begging him to use it to blast his doe-mother so it would stop licking him/her whenever it pleased.

...

It took barely a couple of months for the most evil overdoe in the multiverse to get emancipated from his pack of deer in the Nara forest. After all, it was only a matter of time until he met the first snake minion in said forest, and began building his army anew.

...

Voldoemort had his eyes closed as he tried to pull the magic in the world around him into his body. It had taken him a while to get hold of ambient magic, which was referred to by the local snakes as 'Nature Chakra' until he came around, or more accurately until the snakes 'reverse summoned' him to their pocket dimension full of snakes.

Each and every single snake was bound to bend to Voldoemort, for he was a Parselmouth. It was a rule engraved in nature, even across universes, that those marvelous creatures would ally themselves with the powerful wizards capable of proving themselves worthy by the use of this rare branch of magic. The first command the man made was to have the snakes keep an ear on the ground for him and report back everything they learnt from the humans (ninja, apparently) that ruled the world at wide. Meanwhile, Voldoemort spent the days figuring out how to use his powerful magic in his new body. Because, even if his new form was a pathetic one, he knew that a trivial thing like body shape was only a mere obstacle to any wizard worth their salt.

Voldoemort shall take over the world as his master, just as Voldemort had done with Earth the first time around. For the time being though, he would merely bide his time.

And the once ruler of the Earth had it in good authority that becoming the supreme ruler of everything greatly depended on the timing of his first strike...

It took slightly more than two years for the moment to make his move to arrive. The ninja - scattered, pathetic, primitive and simply bound to be ruled - had gotten into a war with some amateur that had been fixated on some silly dream of making a perfect world by putting an hypnotic eye on the moon...

No wonder that plan failed. It was downright stupid.

That Madara fool was eventually defeated by this world's golden trio, which seemed specially pathetic after the three of them decided to beat each other up due to reasons that he didn't care about in the slightest. Still, Voldoemort kept rapt attention on the battle until the two shinobi he had once deemed a threat (and their pink-haired friend) did a fine job of rendering themselves unable to do as much as standing up on their own.

Now that the resident madman had been taken care of and every other ninja was too winded to keep on fighting, Voldoemort made his move.

Needless to say, that takeover was the easiest world takeover he had ever made. It wasn't a surprise though; a bunch of barbarians that didn't deign call magic by its proper name had nothing on the forces Albus Dumbledore had once thrown at him.

That is not to say that destroying all future resistance (at least those which could ever hope to be effective) to his reign in one clean swoop wasn't entertaining.

Ninja couldn't believe an army of snakes led by a doe was slaughtering them all.

Most of them probably thought they were caught in the magic illusion they called "Genjutsu" up until the moment they met Death in that horrid, white world.

But never mind that. Now that the local magic users had been put down for good, Voldoemort had a lot of things to do.

Building a new empire was a lot of work after all.

 ** _END OF THE OMAKE_**

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 **AN:** For those who are wondering how Reverse-Animagus-Harry would have conquered the ninja world, he would have stricken the same canon moment Voldoemort did. Reason = I cannot imagine a doe ruling over ninja unless it would have stricken the single moment in canon when all shinobi were too beaten and chakra exhausted to do anything to stop summon snakes led by a magical doe. I hope you understand the logic.


	4. Deskin

**Disclaimer:** Don't own. Don't care. Writing this for free.

 **AN:** So, I got the most stupid suggestion ever. Make "deskin" which, if my knowledge in English doesn't fail me, means someone wanted Harry reborn as a desk. This petition was so far the most absurd, nonsensical, moronic... idea I had heard in a long time. Needless to say, I loved it. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you deskin.

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Omake: Deskin

It all started with Harry dying. He died old and lived a worthy, yet unusual life. The-Boy-Who-Lived's life was not ordinary: it was filled with magic, dragons, prophesies... you know, stuff from legends. Thus it shouldn't have been a surprise for him that, after a peaceful death, fate would come to kick him into his dangling bits by sending him into the most absurd of reincarnations.

Harry was reborn as a fancy mahogany desk.

But not only did he get reborn as a desk. Oh, no. Of course not. He was reborn as a desk in a world of freaking ninjas! To top it all, he was reborn as the desk of some old coot who kept up piling mountains of papers and scrolls on his head, which gave Harry a massive headache.

The days were quite boring for Harry because he was restricted to a room. Bored as he was, it was no surprise he would pay attention to everything going around him with the hopes he would overhear some piece of information worthy of mulling over for hours, so he could keep himself from going bonkers from doing nothing every single damn second of his new life.

"Hokage-sama," a woman with purple hair and revealing clothes arrived into the room with a stack of scrolls and put them on top of the already huge pile of documents on top of Harry's head. If Harry had anything resembling vocal chords, he would have huffed. The woman, began speaking in Japanese (a language Harry inevitably learned due lack of anything else to do) 'Blah, blah, blah, chuning-exams something, blah blah.' Harry listened, not finding anything interesting or new in the conversation. The old man named "Hokagesama" had been talking to a lot of ninjas about plans for these exams and, while Harry found incredibly interesting (and morally wrong) the concept of having kids from all over the world come and fight in a potentially fatal melee -because having the younger generation murdering and dying was both a form of entertainment and a form of publicity here- there was only so much time you could hear people talk about one single topic before you wanted to bang your head in a... well, in a desk.

But Harry being the desk in that equation, only hoped the old man was too dignified to do that.

Oh, well, at least the last part of the blasted exams took place tomorrow and the topic would change towards something more enjoyable, like Quidditch... yeah, like that would ever happen.

...

The next day Harry!Desk expected the old man to come deal with the tower of documents on his surface. Luck had other plans. The Hokage's Office remained empty, and the lights that usually illuminated the room were off. Which was odd, since the old man was forced to work hard from early ours every day.

In the vast, lonely silence of the office, Harry's mind traveled to stupid shite. The record of most hours lost in a single idiotic train of thought was an inner debate about whether or not the guys working in Disney knew about the possibility of humans getting reborn as inanimate objects. A lot of those movies seemed to prove Harry's speculations right, and the insight would make Pocahonta's "Colors of the Wind" gain a whole new perspective.

It was probably a coincidence. As were Pixar's idea of evil teddy bears and talking cars (or where 'Cars' Disney's too? Honestly he couldn't care less).

...

The days turned into weeks, and then... well, Harry lost track of time, but it was an unusually long wait until the magic ninja people finally turned the lights on. But instead of the wrinkly old man that usually came, there was a woman with the hugest knockers in the history of ever and, while Harry was but a desk, he was a male at heart, and she was rather easy on the eyes.

"What is the meaning of this?" The woman yelled towards a bunch of ninja Harry couldn't see well because his mind eyes were glued to those huge... on the girl. Ok, fine, he was getting a good look to the goods, but can you blame him? He was starved from any form of entertainment and those could fuel his imagination for a while.

Harry's perceived good luck was cut short when the woman slapped both her hands on top of desk!Harry as she complained about the elders trying to rule despite her going out of her way to come here to "Take the Hat". She then continued yelling and glaring, punctuating every demand with a punch to the very abused desk that was Harry.

This went on for quite a while, though the pain from the blows made stars shine in his sight, making him unable to see the owner of a raspy voice who lazily let out a "Troublesome" before making his way out. Harry could hear then two pairs of footsteps walking away (the speaker and who Harry suspected was the blond guy who sometimes got summoned into the old man's office, though he will never know for sure).

Once Harry was alone with the woman, she hit Harry desk one more time, just because she could, then began to read the stack of papers, bitching about one thing or another and scribbling with as much force as she could without ripping the scrolls apart.

Harry only hoped the old man would come back soon to take the demented banshee out of his office.

...

When Harry learnt Tsunade was the new owner of the office, he despaired. Every day was worse than the previous one and he suffered as much as a desk can suffer. Now the days where mountains of paperwork were haphazardly pilled up on top of him while he endured the smell of a pipe's smoke were fond memories, and that one frustrating time when he got painted an eye-soaring orange with little ramen bowls drawn on him with ink became the highlight of his life.

But then a miracle happened.

A pink-haired ninja girl, who he had seen a couple of times, came to speak about someone named "Sasuke-kun" deflecting the village. Tsunade-banshee growled while the girl elaborated something about Orochimaru and Naruto (forever remembered as the kid who once turned him orange) almost getting killed. Harry felt the woman trembling in rage as the girl meekly relied she had been sent by "Kakashi-sensei" to relay what happened.

Harry was sure, though, the woman stopped listening after hearing about how the Snake-Sannin he had heard so much about was involved in her cousin's almost demise.

"GODDAMIT!" Tsunade declared, punching the wood in front of her so hard the table split in half.

And so, Harry earned his freedom.

On his last moments, The-Boy-Who-Became-a-Desk thanked Sasuke from the bottom of his heart, not even bothering to spare any sympathy for the poor poor desk that would be taking his place.

 _The End._

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 **AN:** Thanks for reading... and giving me weird prompts. Those poor poor desks *weeps in sympathy*.


	5. Dogskin (part 2)

**Disclaimer:** Don't own. Don't care. Writing this for fee.

 **AN:** Hi, guys. It has been a while. I have not been in the mood to write in quite a while, but then I felt up to it and I decided to work a bit on this fic, expanding the Dogskin prompt a bit, hoping it will help me get back to the next Doeskin chapter.

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Dogskin part 2 (request by MisteriosaSaky)

It didn't take Harry too long after being reborn as a female dog for Harry to give the metaphorical middle finger to the humans of the Inuzuka clan by becoming best friends with a cat. That they had been horrified by the mere idea was most funny, and their reactions had been so amusing that Harry (or well, "Rai") almost decided to stop his plans of escape so she could keep riling them up. Almost.

The thought (s)he was keeping the legacy of the marauders she never embraced on her first life did help Rai feel a bit better about her situation. When Rai the Boy-Turned-Female-Dog had eventually made the other dogs and humans of her born clan aware he/she was not to be trifled with, she started to accept his/her new lifestyle to an extent. She became comfy enough to be less frantic in her escape attempts, getting farther each time as the schemes became more well thought.

Only bright side about the humans and dog that kept foiling her escapes was that their sense of loyalty kept them from harming the puppy no matter how annoying Harry managed to be. Another bright side was that his owners were nothing like Tora's lady owner. The fat walrus of a woman could have passed as a cheerful lovechild of uncle Vernon and Dolores Umbridge *shudders*.

Harry made a hobby of annoying Inuzuka after deciding the whole thing was quite cathartic. Her new magic was not strong enough to keep her unnoticed for longs periods of time, but the instances she could manage to keep her magic going to keep her undetected were enough to make her every action impossible to be tracked back to her. Magic this time around was as reliable as ever to make his will happen, even if it was decidedly less potent.

Harry-dog had vanished the tree the dogs loved to pee on the most and, along with the tree, she vanished every toilet in the compound so she could annoy everyone equally. She also made the food come alive and attack once (which actually was seen as fun for the people and dogs alike, go figure). From there her pranks became more frequent, but at the same time more subtle: things that got lost or misplaced without a trace, some even vanished out of existence; furniture that got chewed in impossible ways; paw-prints on the ceiling; the water in their pipes being swapped by vinegar...

At every prank pulled, Harry the puppy was there to see the whole thing play out, so it would stand as obvious they figured it was her. They just couldn't prove it. And so, every time an Inazuka -human or otherwise- looked at the tiny female dog they would become paranoid and got their senses in high drive, waiting to misfortune to strike. And strike it did, but with the victims on high alert the pranks failed more often than not -probably would fail all the times if not for Kiba and Akamaru getting caught on her traps over and over again.

It was annoying, but Harry supposed it couldn't be helped that his efforts got wasted on actual experienced ninja. Which didn't get the fun out of seeing them look like something was about to jump at them every time she showed her face, specially since she figured it was more fun to see them squirm for hours waiting for something that would never come.

Sirius would have been proud.

...

Things changed for Harry one day that started like any other. Tora had ran away from home and Rai had managed to help stall that gennin team with the grumpy Hyuga and the two thick-eyebrows weirdoes in green tights for a while. It had been quite amusing for reincarnated!Harry to see the faces of the long haired kid when Tora, too tired to try and keep running, willingly jumped to the arms of the girl with the twin buns in her hair -that had been useless all the time her team chased the cat because nobody wanted to anger the wife of the Daimyo's by giving her her cat full of holes, courtesy of the girl's collection of pointy weapons.

it was specially funny when the girl started cooing at Tora, much to the Hyuga's irritation.

Backtracking a little, Rai was back from another of her little adventures -which again proved that running away was futile for the poor demon cat-, and decided to take a little stroll around the town. She was merrily thinking about her next mischief when she spotted her twin Akamaru and his owner Kiba. Needless to say, she started to shadow the two, calling forth a combination of notice-me-not's and other little tricks to keep herself from being sniffed out.

Kiba was babbling to Akamaru about something she didn't bother pay attention when a water balloon exploded at the human's mutt face, turning the whole kid orange with paint.

"Naruto," Kiba growled in annoyance while Amakaru barked indignantly. A blond in garish orange clothes jumped from the shadows, looking smug at having hit his target (though Harry wasn't sure why he would reveal himself after the prank, since it was always wiser to pretend ignorance).

"Heh, gotcha, Kiba. Sure I meant it for the Teme, but now I know my trap works!" He gave a foxy grin and Harry had to admire the cheek of the kid -she mentally christened him Whiskers.

Kiba yelled and complaining grabbing the Whisker's shirt, only earning himself a "Gee, Kiba, chill, it was an accident," while Whiskers dug in his ear with his pinky finger.

"No wonder nobody likes you, you are a good for nothing that is not going to get anywhere in life. In fact, you are so annoying and useless that you don't have any friends!"

Dog-Harry started to growl lowly. That had been too much, even if the kid was saying those things because he was a hotheaded moron and not because he really meant to be malicious.

"I'm not useless, and I will prove it when I become Hokage, believe it!"

"You are not going to be Hokage, you moron!" Kibba shouted and Whisker's eyes looked hurt. Harry snapped.

"GRRRF!" Harry ran towards Kiba and bit him in the leg. The whimper that came out of the teen was more due to surprise than true pain, but it still hurt him a bit... maybe.

"Let go of me, you bitch!" Kiba demanded jumping in one foot while he shook the other, Akamaru barking to Harry in way she knew was demanding she let go of her owner. She wasn't very obedient.

"Oi, Kiba, your dog-" Naruto babbled until the only thing he would do was hold his stomach in laughter. Eventually, Kiba won and the female dog went flying, coincidentally hitting Naruto in the chest and sending him back with an oof.

"Stupid little bitch!" Kiba growled at Harry, "you dare bite your betters of the pack!" the surprise of this was lost in the face of a weaker member going against pack behavior. The laws of the pack demanded the hierarchy be reestablished, so Kiba attacked, driven by instinct if nothing else.

"Kiba stop!" Naruto pleaded, as Kiba proceeded to beat the little dog until it looked like every bone in her little body was broken. She stood again, growling and defiant.

"Submit!" Kiba demanded. This was the way of the pack, the weak followed the strong, and the strong showed dominance, keeping the order when a fellow member challenged it's authority, then been protective when the omegas submitted to them.

Harry didn't know any of this. She only saw a bully kicking a puppy because it bit him. She would never yield to any such person.

The end of the argument came by the unexpected appearance of Tsume Inuzuka, who grabbed her enraged son before he could land a potentially fatal punch into the battered dog-Harry. "What do you think you are doing?" She asked to her son, looking utterly unimpressed.

Kiba struggled in her gasp for a moment, his animal instincts demanding he beat the puppy until it yielded. "He attacked me! I was planning to put that pup into it's place!" Kiba growled looking a bit feral. Tsume understood the reaction of her son, her kid was not capable to overcome his animal drive just yet, and such an action from one of her dogs would have rattled even some of the adults in the compound, making them act pretty much the same her son was at the moment. However she, unhappy as she was by the attack on his son from one of her clan -even if it as just a puppy- was still the alpha of the pack and needed to be fair to both sides. So she demanded to know why the pup attacked, demanding that there was a good reason, or she would dispose of it permanently -a wayward dog had no place in the pack.

"He was being a bully," came the unexpected answer from an unexpected source. Both Inazuka humans, their dogs and one blond looked to the female dog with wide eyes.

"It can talk!" Naruto yelled as though he had never seen a nin animal. The surprise of the rest of the audience came not from the ability but the age at which it was displayed. Nin-dogs took at least 3 years before they started to emulate human speech with any fluency. This pup had less than 5 moths.

"What do you mean?" Tsume asked the dog, having recovered from the surprise first.

"He was telling awful things to Whiskers over there, telling him nobody liked him, that he didn't have friends and would never be anyone. Such cruelty should never go unpunished," Harry growled.

Tsume glared at her son, cutting his protest but not doing anything else. Then she turned to the -apparently prodigious- pup. It glared at her, posture defiant, like it was ready to challenge her alpha position, like it was daring her to disagree... it pissed her off, and it was a near thing losing her control and finishing what her son started.

Harry still clueless in the ways of the pack -been was too busy trying to escape at first, then busy pranking so she never got to learn the dynamic of her new species- misunderstood the look of disapproval she got from the Inuzuka alpha. "Seems like you should raise your children better."

There it was, the pup was challenging her authority. Mistakenly, Tsume identified Harry as an pup that would become an Alpha, and an in a pack there could only be one Alpha, which was her... no wonder the pup never fit in with her peers. It probably challenged one of the older dogs, lost, then tried to leave the pack as dogs who challenged the perceived alpha of a pack left when they lost the fight of becoming pack dog. Going elsewhere to form a pack of their own.

Suddenly all the attempts from the pup from escaping from the compound started to make sense.

...

"You want to leave the pack?" The question was not the threat Naruto thought it was, and it was clear the Jinchuuriky thought it was so because he got a very loud defense on the dog.

"Wait, you are kicking a puppy out because it helped me?!" There was a mix of guilt and righteous anger in his face. "It wasn't the puppy's fault! It was trying to help me! So you should be mad at me instead!" Naruto concluded stubbornly, glaring at Tsume in pretty much the same way the puppy glared at her.

Harry was a bit touched by the speech, but went on as she hadn't heard it "I want to leave?" He asked mock-thoughtful, "let's see, I have been trying to get out of the compound for months, making sure you all know I was unhappy, I have been obviously annoying the member of the pack through pranks... nope, I clearly want us to be chummy for the rest of our lives." Kiba snorted. Even Naruto was not dense enough to miss the sarcasm there.

Tsume sighed. It was not unheard of to have members walk away to form a pack, in fact some of the human ones did so when failing to take the Alpha seat away from her, too unwilling to work under a woman Alpha, no matter how superior. Unbound dogs also walked away from time to time, some going back to the land where the dog summons lived, some going to the wild, and a handful becoming lone wolfs (figuratively speaking). The reluctance of letting this one leave was because entirely because it was too young, and the clan always protected their puppies.

"You are too young, you don't have what it takes to survive out there," Tsume pointed out reasonably to the little pup, "If you can't even defeat a kid like my son (Kiba: hey!) you won't stand a day our there."

"Yeah, yeah," the puppy scoffed "it's a big bad world out there. But I will take my chances."

"Very well. But know that you won't be allowed back unless you submit to the stronger pack members."

"Hmm, so never. Good to know. As I said, I will take my chances," the female puppy declared, walking away with a limp and a sway. It was clear for everyone looking it needed medical assistance.

Naruto looked at the Inuzuka expectantly, waiting for them to offer to heal the puppy, but they didn't. The pack dynamic didn't allow one which lose and chose exile to be healed by those he or she deserted. It would be like stomping on the pride of the one walking away to it's own path.

Naruto knew even less than Harry about the reasons behaved as it did, so it was no wonder he followed the puppy to offer the help it was denied. "Hey, you! Ermm... doggy! Wanna crash in my place? Mine might not be much, but I'm not a right bastard as dog-breath over there, so you don't need to worry about me kicking you!"

Harry looked at the kid. The kid looked at harry. The looked at each other.

"Sure, why not," Harry-dog shrugged.

"Awesome!" Naruto declared, then picked Reincarnated!Harry up gently. The pup allowed it because walking was difficult in her condition.

As Naruto walked them towards his place he started rambling about the oncoming graduation exam, which would allow him to become ninja; rambled about Pretty Sakura and the spoke about food, about how his love for ramen, asking Harry if dogs could eat the food of the gods.

Harry didn't respond for a long while, leaving the chatterbox to fill the silence with idle words until the one-sided conversation became companionable silence. It was apparent to Harry the kid lacked someone to hear him out, because Whiskers seemed ecstatic to notice that Harry was actually listening to his every word.

"Hey kid," Harry began and Naruto 'hm'ed. "You shouldn't get too worked up when people don't like you. The important thing is that _you_ like yourself. And whoever doesn't like you can shove it where the sun doesn't shine, because its clear you are a good kid."

Naruto stopped in his tracks, then looked down to Harry's head. Harry looked up when he heard the sniffle, "You think I'm a good kid?"

"Well, I wouldn't call a kid taking a hurt puppy home a bad kid, you know."

Naruto gave Harry a smile that was a lot more watery and thankful than the comment merited. Harry felt a feeling of foreboding, which proved to be right after the two of them finally made it back to the blond's place. The shady little apartment was filled with trash and bugs, the walls inside were all covered in graffiti with phrases like "Die monster", and the windows were a mess of broken glass, clearly caused by the lose bricks that littered the floor, which had clearly made their way in by shattering said windows.

The look Naruto got as he looked at his apartment broke Harry's heart. Fuck the plans of seeing the world, Harry would be staying with this kid for a while, and once he discovered who was hurting him Harry would make them pay.

Less than 24 hours latter, time he spent going everywhere along with the kid, Harry discovered it was everyone who seemed to hate the kid. So Harry decided to stay with the kid. If anything, Harry knew what it felt to feel alone in the world at age 11.

 _End of part 2._

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 **AN:** I put a poll on my profile about my next fics, I would love it if you took a look after reviewing (or not reviewing, though I do hope for the former).

See you around guys!


	6. Doen't say Familiar

**Disclaimer:** Don't own. Don't care. Writing this for free.

 **AN:** X-overed with Zero no Tsukaima (A.K.A. The Familiar of Zero). If you don't know the anime/manga/novel then I can tell you is that is about a pinkette tsundere who gets bullied for being utterly incompetent with her magic (A Zero rate of success). She summons a Japanese teenager (during a ceremony in which wizards summon familiar animals), binds him to her with a kiss, and from then on they live adventures together because she possesses the power of an old legend.

Feel free to skip the Omake if you don't feel like reading the X-over.

PostAN: _**O** **n this one** **Harry uses female pronouns to describe "herself"**_.

 _Un-betaed chapter published on: 30/07/2016_

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Doen't say familiar

Harry doe slept placidly on a pillow in the living room. She was tired, the ninja training that Yoshino subjected her to that day was nothing if nothing if not brutal. But Harry-doe had endured, and had thrived on it, just as she had done on every training before this one. It had been a year since the whole thing started, and now Rai-chan was no longer a tiny baby doe, but a full grown one. The white spots on her back were gone, and it was replaced by slick and sturdier fur of a solid brown. She no longer looked starved and bug-eyed, but well fed and strong. And strong she was, because, after ninja training she had muscles, and after learning to reinforce her body with chakra she felt as though her muscles had muscles.

Harry was now, officially, the very first nin-doe in Konohagakure, even of the world... she had grown to the point that even high-chunin Nara Shikamaru had considered her a troublesome opponent in the field.

Which is not to say that the doe had the same level of power she had once had as Harry: she was a far cry from there, and any tries to replicate any of his past life's spell had ended up in failures, some of which were quite interesting... Thankfully, chakra (which Harry had learnt was the name of the land's magic) was capable of replicating some of the most reliable spells in his arsenal, or, more accurately, Harry managed to relearn this worlds's equivalent Jutsu.

At the moment, Harry cared little about the improvement. The only thing she cared about was to lie there on the soft pillow and sleep away the ache in her body.

"My servant that exists somewhere in this vast universe." A childish voice filled Harry's ears, and he wondered whether or not some of the younger Nara's friends were playing on the main house doorstep.

"my divine, beautiful, wise, powerful servant, heed my call, that I wish from very bottom of my heart." Harry doe snorted, yeah, that sounded like a game of alright. She yawned. "and add to my guidance and appear!" the voice yelled. Harry wished someone scolded the brat for troubling the peace of the area. Merlin, she had earned some sleep. Never mind that her muscles felt oddly soothed all of a sudden, and that the dream that so gently had enveloped her was no more. Lazily, Harry-doe opened her eyes to see a green light, very close to her nose, shinning upon her.

Harry-doe jumped backwards and made a startled sound. "Rai-chan, what is going on?" Yoshino entered the room, kunai in hand, looking at the doe, then to the place Harry had been staring at so intently. She looked confused, as though she could not see the giant plate of lime light. And what a plate of light it was. Now that Harry could detailed, it seemed to swirl and swirl hypnotically, and it was calling for her. Pulling her very soul in the green void a few paces away.

It felt like the calling of destiny.

Harry doe could no longer hear Yoshino, nor see the living room. There was only her and the light, and the distance between the two that grew smaller and smaller until it was gone. Then, the doe felt herself fall into the light.

The world around her exploded.

There was smoke.

There was laughter.

There were wizard children making fun of a girl with pink hair...

 _Wait, what?_

Harry blinked. The tense posture that had come so naturally to her now loosening somewhat. He had to be in a genjutsu. It had to be. Because there was no way that she was actually seen children dressed in robes and wielding wands that stood in front of a small castle.

Vaguely, Harry-doe tried to think if she had done anything to piss off any genjutsu wielder. None came to mind.

Harry let out a mental "Kai" and a small flare of chakra magic. The children were still there, as was the castle.

"Hey, look!" Harry heard in what had to be French. His French was a tad rusty, but he had learnt to speak it fluidly after so many decades of shared lunches with Old Harry's sister in law and said Veela's family.

Suddenly, all eyes were on the doe that stood in the middle of the dissipating cloud of smoke. "Louise summoned something!" said a fat, blond guy that vaguely reminded Harry of Dudley.

The pinkette smiled and puffed her flat chest to the air, saying something snotty-sounding. Right after the girl finished speaking, the most tanned red-head Harry had ever seen in either life puffed her abundant chest and mocked the girl, who started then started to stomp on Tanned Ginger's way... until a bald guy with glasses coughed and reminded the girl that she needed to "Complete the ritual Miss Vallière".

Now, in Harry's long life as a wizard, he had learnt that a ritual was rarely good news. Add to that knowledge the fact that a newly obtained ninja paranoia was screaming at Harry-doe to **_move move move_** away from the girl who made a grabby motion towards the doe. Harry jumped out of the way. The children laughed, all but the girl who huffed and demanded Harry stay put. She launched herself towards Harry again, and Harry ducked once more. More laughter. The area was descending into a mess as Harry merely jumped out of the way of the stubborn girl.

"Enough!" Harry heard before the the doe started to float in the air. "Finish what you started, Miss Vallière, now." The teacher. He had to be the one to bind Harry. But you never bind a wizard ex-Auror, let alone one with ninja training, and find out that's the end of it: a shimmering shield of magic surrounded the doe's body before expanding outwards, sending flying most of the children in the area, and the teacher, slamming into a wall.

The teacher dislodged himself from the wall with surprising swiftness, wand pointed towards the doe with what Harry recognized to be poised reflex. The man had been a warrior, not unlike what Harry had once being, or was getting shaped to become. This had potential to be fun.

The doe bowed towards the wizard in what she hoped passed as the customary duel bow. The teacher bowed back a bit, but didn't lower his guard. Good.

Harry lifted a chakra-enhanced hoof, then stomped it on the ground. It cracked, and the crack mover towards the bald wizard, who jumped out of the way and sent a ball of flame towards Harry. The battle than sparked from there was not a serious one, and the attitude of the dueling parts was reminiscent of that of knights engaging into a sparring session. The children that had before being tossed on their backsides were cheering their teacher, and Harry was only a bit put out by that.

Eventually, the teacher lowered the wand, Harry stopped as soon as he did. It would be pointless to keep the fight going, for neither could defeat the other without upping their game, and none were willing to harm the children to come up as the victor.

"Miss Vallière, I do not believe I have ever seen a doe like the one you have summoned."

Miss Vallière puffed her chest "Of course, as noble of a great house it stands as clear that I would summon something special".

"And yet, it clearly doesn't want to be bound as your familiar," The ginger pointed out snidely.

Harry agreed wholeheartedly, if silently: being bound sounded like a horrible idea. Specially since Harry wanted to go back and this bounding sounded like something that would force "Rai-chan" away from mama Yoshino.

So not happening.

The girl disagreed and moved closer to Harry. Tired of the repetitive attempts of the girl to get closer, Harry let out the most threatening snake hiss that he could muster. The "Go Away" was clear despite the lack of words.

"It hissed!" She declared wide-eyed.

"I understood that!" A boy with a brown hair snapped like a bowl declared in awe.

"Mr. Blackgate?" the teacher blinked, "what do you mean you understood it?"

The Blackgate boy nodded "I... can speak with snakes," the boy admitted sheepishly. "I have since I summoned Demeter an hour ago." he pointed towards a white snake with blue eyes that was looking at Harry with a great deal of bewilderment.

A Parselmouth! Harry was static by this random bit of luck. " _$$I need to go back to my owner,$$"_ Harry-doe declared in snake speech.

"It says it has an owner, Mister Colbert. It wants to go back to him or her," the teen pointed out. The now identified as Mister Colbert looked surprised at the words, but it was a girl curly blond hair and a frog on her shoulder that replied with a shrieked "That's right! The doe had a green ribbon when it arrived! Louise must have summoned someone's pet."

Well, Harry didn't considered himself a pet these days, more like a trusted companion and proud nin-doe, but decided it was not the time to get offended. So he nodded at the girls words and waited for the apologize that he deserved for getting dragged to wherever in France this was, then to be sent back the way she was brought.

Harry was unsure whether this man knew Legilimency or if her expression was that easy to read, but Mr. Colbert coughed, and pulled a handkerchief out of his robe's pocket as he apologized to Harry... though the apologize was not the one Harry wanted to hear: "I'm sorry, but you cannot go back. Once a summoning has taken place there is no way to reverse it."

 _"$$Oh, bugger me with a broomstick.$$"_

Harry wished he could face-palm.

 _The End_

 _._

 **AN:** I have wanted to write this scenario longer than any of you will ever know. I still don't think I will be working on Doeskin for a while, but seeing I was able to work on this one makes me feel as though I will be able to do get back to the main fic sooner than I had thought.

I have no idea how to get Harry out of the _Zero No Tsukaima_ world without a extensive plot, but I can assure you Harry wouldn't become a familiar willingly in any universe derived from this... and Louise would be unable to force Harry-doe to become her bound familiar. Harry-doe belongs with Yoshino. All of you surely agree with that.

ALSO, Blackgate is a OC. I was too lazy to see if any of the real characters fitted the bill for what I needed.

So... love it? Hate it? Want me to stay well away from mixing any other universe in the pot? Let me know in a review :)


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